I honestly never imagined seeing this before

God Provides

For you who shares with me in the previous month since my exam period, i think you already know what I am kanchiong with. Basically, my NPGS demands me to produce 4.00 minimum CGPA every semester, however, the result from my 1st semester was 4.16. which is one mark shy from that minimum CGPA. So I was really stressed out the whole semester, which peaked on the last week before exams (see my things to do around march-may, you'll know why). After the exams, I was not confident at all with my performance. And so I began to be uneasy.

It might sounds a bit over-the-top. mathematically, I just need to produce 2 B+ and 1 B, and I'm still (marginally) safe. I mean, how hard was that? But yet I can't get it out of my mind. I think I have asked A LOT of ppl to pray for me for two things: (1) for me to be able to calm myself down and (2) for the result itself to be enough for passing the minimum requirements.

The result for the undergrads came out a few days earlier than the result for the grad students. Seeing my friend got their results gives me the ikea meatball filling. On one hand, I am happy for them, and I felt that I got hope as well. On the other hand, I grew even more uneasy, since I can't wait under that kind of stress. Thankfully, last week was quite hectic so I got a lot of distractions.

The result was supposed to come out on the 13th. So I waited on 12th until the turn of the day. right at 12 I pressed F5.

And the result is not out yet. -__-'

I waited another 5 minutes. Maybe it was not 13th yet on NTU server. I pressed F5 again.

And the result is not out yet. -_______-'

I pressed and pressed and pressed. Several ppl already asked me on gtalk: Irving, Indra, Kuncup, Maria, Itin. I said: Not yet. I waited until 1 am, finishing "Burlesque" on the process (It's nice. But the ending was lacking epicness). I pressed F5 again.

And the result is not out yet. -______________-'

I figured that I need to go to sleep early, since I will have Machine Learning Summer Studies at Biopolis for a week starting on th 13th (I'll write about this later). There I was, praying the 2 prayer points again. Miraculously, I am able to go to sleep directly. Thank God for that. The result was not out even when I woke up. So I muster up my mind and went to Biopolis. I can't get my hand off from my iPhone the whole day. I think the battery was running as low as 15% at 3 o'clock. Haha.

At 5 o'clock (with 6% of battery left), an email came. Saying that the result is out. Right in the middle of the seminar I went silent, and without realizing, I was praying for the same two prayer points again, but this time, I add another: so that I can accept anything that God deemed suitable. I logged in from my phone.

And I was stunned. @_@ That was the highest mark I've ever had my whole life. I was not paying attention to the seminar at all for 10 minutes or so, praising God and praying the whole time.

I was reminded once again, that God really provides. That He give according to His infinite wisdom to His people what is good in His time. I may fail the first sem (got scolded hard from my prof. haha) but it made this sem much more sweeter. And God truly gives abundantly. I was reminded on how beautiful it is to have brothers and sisters to share our burden with, praying for each other and hoping for the best to come to each of us.

So thank you for those who have prayed for me on this one. Papah, Benchers, Exco 07/08, Nesha, Indra, Pak Win, Bu Henny, Ci Mel, KTB bawah, flatmates.. I really appreciate it =). (sorry if i forgot to mention someone there. i think I ranted too much to everyone.. haha).

On sidenote, Exco 07/08 did another EST last saturday after DnD wedding. It was magnificent. I'll write something later on. =)

Let there be light!

The long promised post

Yea, yea, I have slacked too long to write this post. Anyway, last month my father went to visit me here for 3 days 2 nights. Not much reason actually, he just came to visit, alone. So we had a nice father-and-son time along those times.

And yes, in my family, it means food. =D

I asked him to accompany me viewing for new flats. There were one at Clementi and another at Tiong Bahru. Both failed, miserably. Anyways, we were actually planning to eat at the market there anyways to look for suckling pig. So in the end both of us, joined by our agent and Irving ate suckling and ducks there. Haha. So-so, actually. Don't have the photo to share on this one.

We spend the rest of the day at the hotel, resting and talking. Later that night we went to Balestier Road in search for Bak Kut Teh. And oh my God. Those were heavenly! We went there to see a long queue, but seeing that it was not that long, we decided to queue for around 15 minutes. We ordered 2 Bak Kut Teh, 1 Pig Trotter, and some sides.

The ribs was so thick, the bowl almost filled with the meat. The soup was tasty and nice. It was wonderful. The only complain my father had is that the soup was too little (since the meat was very thick). And he likes his soup. However, just right after we discuss that, an uncle came with his metal glass of soup and we got refill, free-of-charge! We smiled, knowing that the seller really knows his customers. HAHA!

The next day we came to Chenli for sunday service, skipped the bible study (lol!) and went straight to Orchard. My father need to go to Tang's too look for something his wife ask him to bring, then we went straight to Centrepoint, since he wanted to see AFC store. Sadly, it was closed when we got there. Closed on Sundays, apparently.

We decided that we'll look for Peking Duck at Lido. Went there. The entire floor is closed for renovation -___-'. Choose Crystal Jade Home*something-i-forgot*. Some is nice, others are not. But we ate on anyways.

We close our Orchard adventure in cineleisure, watching "Source Code". Decent one I say. That's not bad at all. I felt bad though, because the whole time we were waiting for the movie, I was occupied with housing matters. Things went a bit complicated, and I panicked. But I think God is really great, because He gave me the time to spend with my father along with this kind of incident. I feel VERY reassured with his presence, and his words of comfort do calm me down. :')

Yea, I think I miss that a lot. I wanted to be independent, strong and capable of taking care of myself ever since I went to university. I became a very hard-headed guy, who want everything to be finished as soon as possible, as best as I can, but also as comfortable as possible. But whenever I am with him, I can feel at ease. I really do miss that times when I can be vulnerable and trust everything in my life to my father. Not that I became carefree, but it was a great break.

On the way back, we passed by Brotzeit at 313. My father saw the pork knuckle, and we got so excited. Haha. So we went back to our hotel in Ibis, rested until 7 pm, then ate our dinner at their branch on Raffles City! Yum yum yum.. =D

He went back the next morning. (Yes... I went to school around 1 pm that day), but we still had our chance to get breakfast together, and talk about things for a couple of hours until his flight. I really want to go back to Jogja now. Hahaha. But I think the soonest will be on July.. I have to rush for my project now. >.<

Anyways, today is NTU-ISCF AGM. Congratz to Nesha and Vincent =). I'll write something later on when I have more time. I need to get some rest today. ^^

Back to blogging

Three weeks has passed since my last post. If you don't follow me on Buzz then you are missing a heated discussion there, caused by my last post. Which by the way, was a bit out of topic anyway.

Those three weeks without blog entry was... chaotic. From looking for a new house (found one already!), monetary problems caused by it, my father's visit, exams, rushing projects and EARC shooting -- those were quite a stressful period. In fact, I just finished a shooting session for EARC last night on Eusoff Hall (NUS). We did that until 4 a.m. -- meaning I'm pretty much dead now, writing this blog post in total nonsensical thought process, yet I'm still skimming through my paper. Believe it or not, I went to Eusoff Hall every night for the previous 5 days, without failing for the shooting. My...

I will share more about the new house later on when we moved (that will be on the first of June). I wanted to tell the story of my father's visit, but I forgot that I don't have apple peripheral cable in my office so I can't upload the photos. So I guess I'll do it later.

On exams... Well, I have to say that I think I did well, barring the stupid mistakes I did here and there, which is natural for exams period. But the thing is, my last GPA was 4.16, while my NPGS ask me to produce 4.00 CGPA. It means that I am that scarily close to the cut off line. I can't help to be anxious over the past week about this. =(

I know that it means that I have to get a B, B+ and B+ for the three subjects I take this semester. And I also realize that it is not that hard actually. BUT, why am I not able to be calm about it? =S

So friends, if you're reading this, please help me in prayer, so that I can be calm about this and keep faithful for His providence in this period of waiting (still one month until the result is out), and if you are willing to, please pray for my result as well, so that it is enough to keep my scholarship.. Thanks =)

One last not so important note... Singapore is getting HOT! >.< and my Air-con is pretty much spoiled. Rain please come. Every night please, but not on the day--I can use my lab's air-con for that.

Let there be light!
~can't wait to move to new house...

and then it was 13th

  1. Week 13 has come. Time waits for no one. Exam waits for no one. Argh
  2. Finished all 5 KTB books last week. We will proceed to John Stott's "Issues Facing Christian Today" starting next semester. Let's see how it turns out
  3. My simulation was not satisfactory. 20% performance level compared to 60% of the original paper is NOT acceptable. Oh my goodness. What to do? What to do? What to do?.... ..Exams...
  4. Was shown this link this morning by the resharing of a number of people. I'm resharing it again. A small thing for our country, and supporting Indonesian students in other parts of the world.
  5. The temperature is getting hotter by day. My air-con is spoiled. Talk about torture. Phew.
  6. I had a neck pain on Saturday. I literally CAN'T turn my neck to the left. That was the day of pain. Thank God for healthy neck...

Thank God for 3G

Yesterday, I had a quiz on computational intelligence. Now I think all of us may had a strange quiz in one way or another. But this one? Oh my...

To start, the prof does not bring a proper question paper. He just use the digital over head projector, just to realize that the projection can't afford showing the whole paper and we need to ask him to shift the paper all the time.

Then he announce that it was an open-book quiz. And I was memorizing all those equations over the weekends. Great.

Just to make things better, he left the class like 4-5 times for 5 minutes, and you guess, everyone starts giggling and talking with each other.

Now, as it stands, there's a question that ask us to find the inverse of a 3x3 matrix. Some calculators can do that, but accidentally mine can't. Of course I can take the long way for it -- but it would take forever and I felt lazy. So, since it's an open book exam, somehow i got a pretty good idea.

There comes iPhone. Open safari. Google "Matrix inverse calculator" and voilla! Thank God for 3G. Haha.

Anyway, there was no class yesterday so I can go back early to cook meat sauce for tonight's lasagna. Yum! =)

The Man (or Woman) behind The Man (or Woman)

Just finished watching The King's Speech today. THAT WAS AWESOME! Really lives up to its 12 nominations for the Academy Awards. Now, I am not writing a movie review. You can go to any site if you want and you'll find one easily.

I am most moved by two characters: Geoffrey Rush's Lionel Logue and Helena Bonham Carter's Queen Mother. Not only because they acted splendidly, but because of their character and the part they played in the improvement of the King's speech capability.

Granted, the movie itself have its own problems on its historical accuracy, like the actual starting date of the treatment, Churchill's stand on Edward's abdication and the severeness of the King's stammer. But the character that they portrayed tells a lot.

Not every one of us is called to stand on the limelight. Some of us is called by God to do our part in a smaller scale, behind the one who are called to stand on the limelight. Assisting them, empowering them, being an honest and faithful friend to them. Like Logue, helping the King to overcome his problems by providing trainings and friendly support. Like Elizabeth, who as a wife pushed her husband to go beyond the limit, enabling the meeting between the two, and supporting her husband all the way.

This doesn't stop only in the film. If it's not because of his mother, Tom Hooper (the director), will not be making the movie. She was the one who bring the story to him, and he credited her on the Academy Awards stage, with the Oscar in his hand, and his mother in the audience.

If it was not because of Edward Kimball's urge to preach the word to D.L. Moody, then the Christianity scene in the world will be very different from today. If it is not because of the wisdom of Agus Salim, then Soekarno and Hatta will not be as big as they are today. Joseph towards Mary, Rebekah to the covenant family. Pinky to Brain.

We too have our own callings. We might not all called to be the one standing on the spotlight, being the figure seen by the public and directly become the one affecting this world. But we might be called to be the one standing by those people. Supporting them behind the curtain. We might not even be called to be the one closest to those people, maybe only someone minor to the eyes of this world. But we does make the difference alongside all God's people. God does not see us by how famous we are.

God sees us by how faithful we are to our calling.

Heed His Call. Let there be light!

Fairly Mental

*Disclaimer: this is a reflective post, and after writing it I realized that it can disturb some people. So, please pray and take a deep breath first. I don't have any answer for these questions that I throw for the time being, or even later on. But I know that I should still pursue what I can do best about it.

In conjunction with the having a bit of too much, my church visited the Institute of Mental Hospital Health today. I always mentioned that last "H" wrongly as "Hospital" instead of "Health" for some reason, so bear with me if it happens later on.

Anyway, this exposure trip is part of my responsibilities this term. We wanted to let the congregation be aware on the condition of the societies they are living in day-by-day. Coincidentally, FES also visited IMH last semester on their National Conference '10. So I asked around and decided to make the trip to IMH.

Originally, we planned to have a presentation by IMH at 2 to 3 pm followed by interaction with the patient from 3 to 5 pm. However, due to some unforeseen reasons, the presentation can only start at 2.45 and finished around 4.15 pm that means we don't have enough time to interact with the patients, who will have to go back to their room by 5 pm. So in the end, we only went into the ward where the patients who is well enough to get back to society is being treated.

But the visit was, for me, quite successful. We are exposed to the sad truth in our society, where mental health is a major source of Singaporeans' illnesses. It contributes 11% to the percentage of illnesses here, just 3% shy from Cancer, who sit at 14%. That is disturbing.

People around us got their own problems coping with their environment. Be it from internal or external factor, we are all affected. We do have some degree of mental illness in our minds. We just don't realize it, and thankfully, we are not chronic enough to get accepted into the institution. Or maybe we are just being unnoticed.

The thing is, it left me in horror when they told us that the institute has a lot of "possessions" in their care. That is, the patients whose their families abandoned them. Might be from the start no one cares, or someone who got parent who care but passed away and their brothers and sisters don't want to acknowledge them as relatives. Or maybe some unknown male or unknown female, who are not identified and no one is coming for them, even when the newspapers have shown their faces. There are many of them. And they are rejected by their own families. Parents, brothers, sisters, children.

It redefines the word "unreached people" to me. They are in a sense, even more unreached. Not that the geographical factors separate them from others, but their condition and the stigma of others fallen before them has left them as the outcast of the society. They are near, just one-hour MRT ride from boonlay. Yet I can't help to cry (well, figuratively at the moment of the presentation) to know that there are people like them.

Granted, there are a lot of doctors and nurses taking care of them. But even then, listening to the stories of the presenter that they are overjoyed by a visit of volunteers was proof that there are a big hole in their hearts even still. Granted, there are a lot of volunteers who come each weekends, especially on holidays. But for them who are left in solitude and friendless, a gentle act of love is something that is very meaningful.

This leads me to think to something even more disturbing. These people are those who are being treated in the institution. They are considered "lucky" enough that they have families who want them to get treated, regardless they are being accepted by the whole family or not. At least, they still have the doctors and nurses, specialists who care for them and working for their well-being. But what about the one who are not identified and treated?

I think it is very valid if I say that in this Asian context, to have someone admitted into hospital for mental illnesses is a big disgrace into the name of our families. Some parents does not even want to accept that their children are (pardon me) autistic, and made them go through the same system with other students, even though it will be such a torture to the child. Prestige and pride is higher than anything. Then there are people who are distressed, depressed or guilt-ridden. Some of them does not even have friends to share it into. Or even worse, their social networks told them that it was nothing big, and they expect them to get over it. The person can't get a proper care and compassions from others and eventually breaks down as their burden increases.

They might be beside us. People we know. People we usually have lunch or tea-time together. People who we usually read their blog about. People who usually go to Sunday Service or Fellowship together. People who at one time has been someone who brought back hope to us when we are down. People who we thinks are strong, but actually is acting strong because of the demand of the people around them. People who we thought are our so-called guru, but is actually bearing unjust expectation from us. Tormented. Dejected. Saddened. But because of one thing and another they have to carry on. And no one even sees.

They are even more unreached. They are even more forgotten.

It made me remember this song by Casting Crowns:

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Facebook notes reader can find the video here

When I first hear this song, I was directly struck by it. It was such a sad and scary song. Ironically, there are a lot of this people around us. Where are we, as brothers and sisters, to them who really needs us?

Let there be light.

Having a little bit of too much

If last year when I was working I am having a lot of free time, then the period when I am doing my PhD is a period of me having a little bit of too much.

When I was working, I can juggle well between my ministry and my work and my social relationship. This time, I was having problem maintaining all three- I was asked more than once to sacrifice one to satisfy the other two.

I am really getting greedy. God forgive me. The things I do are not effective anymore. I am trapped in thinking about a lot of things, but when I finished thinking and want to start doing something, other things come in that demands my attention.

Looks like June will be the month of selection.. Please give me wisdom, O Lord, to be able to manage my time better.

I really miss the time when life is much simpler. Haha.

William Whiting Borden

For you who came to my session in NTU ISCF Camp 2011 might already heard this name. Oh, for those who came to Chenli on the day of glory glory halleluyah should know as well, since I was yapping uncontrollably because I didn't know what to talk about for that particular song. But that song is for another day.

I wanted to write a full article about this man. I don't have the time now. So I'll post the video first. Anyway, if you're reading on FB or GBuzz, you might not be able to see the video. So you can check it here. Mark my word. I will write the article after this chaotic chapter subsided.

Me vs The Lift

  1. Went to FES office to take care of admin things today. Well, actually I just went there to drop some documents and leave to be exact.
  2. Ci Mel was there when I arrived. So instead of going in and going out directly, I stayed and chat for like 2-3 hours. Haha.
  3. Went back to NTU since I have a class at 6.30. Got inside the lift.
  4. I can't get out.
  5. Apparently, the power went down when I was between the 4th and 5th floor, and the lift stopped with quite a bang. Waited for sometime, luckily the emergency light was on and there's one bar of Singtel signal.
  6. Thank God, I can get out in a short while only. Haha. I already unpacked my lecture notes and sat on the lift's floor when the power went back.
  7. If I know that unpacking my lecture notes will turn the power back on, I would do so earlier. Kidding.
  8. Went back to NTU (for real, this time) and come in for class, which apparently was doing some Linear Algebra review (I had this kind of lecture 3 times in one year. talk about redundant). Thank God the lecturer let us off with 30 minutes before the class end.
  9. Saw two PRCs having a couple's fight on the way to 199 bus stop. I know, that is not polite for me to put this on my blog. But they fight in front of the men's toilet door near CEE school entrance. The girl just sat on the floor scolding the guy, and I really need to use the toilet. Talk about awkward.
  10. What a day.
  11. Oh, in case you missed it. This is the saying of the day: "Sumpah Pemuda" or maybe "Sumpah Ayam Muda".
  12. Back to assignment that is due next week @_@!!!!

Another Random Post

  1. If you followed my blog previously, you know that I'm having a hectic week ahead of me. I will not be able to post much. Please pray for me.
  2. Please pray for Japan in the midst of the disaster that came upon them. Pray for the victims, pray for help, pray for families to be able to connect again, and especially pray for KGK.
  3. NTU ISCF camp 2011 is a unique one. =)
  4. My body has been acting strange lately. Partly due to stress, partly due to my own idiocy. Please pray for my health.
  5. Thankful for every test and struggle that God has given to me. As time goes on, the difficulty arise and we are tested even more. But I want to say amen to first Corinthians. But anyway, saying that and keeping that faith is one thing, actually going through it is another. I am still in the process of it, so it kinda hurts now. Haha.
  6. Some tasks points has been finished. but that consist of only 30% of what I wrote last time.
  7. This is getting to be random rants. Let's stop here before I curse. Haha.

Bee hoon and fishcake

Reflecting on FESIM Vision:
A story made from bee hoon and fishcake

Cerita ini terjadi tahun 2005. Adalah seorang freshman undergrad yang terlihat cupu dan polos, namun sebenarnya tidak peduli dengan orang-orang di sekitar, menganggap diri sebagai salah seorang yang diatas rata-rata dengan latar belakang yang dia miliki, dan apathetic terhadap keberadaan Tuhan. Bisa dibilang dia seorang yang besar kepala, atau kalau dalam bahasa daerah saya, gedhe ndhase.

Kenapa dia bisa memutuskan untuk ikut persekutuan ISCF dia kurang ingat. Mungkin karena pada saat extracurricular-fair ISCF membuka booth, dia mendaftarkan diri supaya saya tidak merasa bersalah jika tidak mempunyai kegiatan rohani. Orang bilang, hidup bisa berbelok tajam hanya karena pilihan-pilihan kecil. Mungkin ini ada benarnya.

So there he was, duduk di antara orang-orang yang sebagian besar tidak dikenal, ikut dalam persekutuan welcome tea freshmen di ISCF. Puji-pujian dinyanyikan, games-games (yang waktu itu menurut dia sangat konyol) dimainkan, kenalan dengan senior-senior…

…Dan akhirnya bagian presentasi tentang ISCF dan FESIM. Di presentasi ini, visi FESIM dituturkan kepada para freshmen disusul dengan penjelasan tentang distinctive gerakan kita dibandingkan dengan gerakan-gerakan yang lain. Semuanya dipresentasikan dengan WAH. Dia mendengarkan dengan seksama…

…Dan sama sekali tidak menganggap itu penting. Tidak ada yang membekas di kepalanya tentang visi dan misi FESIM dari presentasi itu. Ada yang bilang itu karena yang presentasi jelek, well… mungkin. Tapi mungkin juga bukan itu masalahnya.

Bayangkan diri Anda sebagai seorang remaja yang baru mulai kuliah: ‘akhirnya’ bebas dari peraturan-peraturan orang tua tentang jam belajar dan pergi jalan-jalan, ditambah pengalaman bergabung dalam beberapa organisasi sejak SMA. Buat kebanyakan orang seperti ini, visi dan misi adalah omong kosong yang membatasi gerakan dan keberadaannya cuma ada untuk lengkap-lengkapan saja: tidak afdhol kalau organisasi nggak punya pernyataan visi dan misi. It has nothing to do with him, and being the phlegmatic person as he was, he just let it pass.

Saya pikir dia bukan satu-satunya orang yang berpikiran demikian. Nyaris semua dari kita berpikir demikian saat pertama kali mendengarkan visi FESIM kita tercinta (sebenarnya saya ingin menulis semua, tapi supaya lebih diplomatis, saya tulis nyaris semua saja). Jika direnungkan kembali, kita sering ingin menangkap mahasiswa baru ke ISCF dalam kondisi sudah mengerti visi kita. Tapi kenyataannya, tidak semua mahasiswa bisa menangkapnya pada saat pertama kali diperdengarkan.

Fortunately, ceritanya tidak berakhir di situ. Setelah selesai welcome tea calon PKTB-nya datang mendekat sambil membawa dua kotak makanan. Sang CPKTB menawarkan untuk menculik freshman itu demi bisa ngobrol berdua saja. Terbuai dengan iming-iming bee hoon dan fishcake, dia setuju untuk diculik. Sekali lagi, sebuah pilihan kecil yang membawa perubahan yang besar. Bee hoon dan fishcake.

Obrolan panjang mengalir sampai (akhirnya) obrolan mulai menjurus ke hal-hal rohani. Pertanyaan keramatpun keluar: Kalau kamu mati, kamu yakin ngga masuk ke surga? (Berhubung si freshman baru aja dibaptis, dia bisa menjawab dengan bener.) Akhirnya dia ditawari untuk ikut KTB, and being a nice Chinese guy who actually grew up in a Javanese culture, he can’t say no.

Tapi Tuhan memakai itu untuk mengubah hidupnya dan membawa dia mendekat kepada Tuhan. Dia datang ke Singapura tanpa rencana untuk bergereja dengan tetap, akhirnya malah menetap dan melayani di salah satu gereja. Seorang yang dulunya tidak pernah sama sekali bersaat-teduh (bahkan tahu itu apa aja tidak) diajar untuk mulai bersaat teduh sampai sekarang akhirnya bisa merasakan bahwa datang ke hadirat Tuhan secara rutin adalah hal yang sangat penting. Seorang yang bisa melontarkan umpatan-umpatan kasar pada saat sedih dan senang, perlahan-lahan diubahkan.

Tentu saja itu semua merupakan proses yang panjang dan cukup menyakitkan. Ada orang bilang jadi orang Kristen itu tidak membuat masalah kita selesai, malah sebenarnya makin bertambah. Namun dia sekarang menyadari bahwa itu semua berbuah manis. Melihat ke belakang, dia bersyukur diizinkan untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik dan menyadari bahwa ISCF dan KTB memegang peranan yang sangat vital dalam semua itu.

Mungkin kebanyakan dari kita sudah merasakan hal yang sama. Jika belum, saya meyakini dan berharap akan merasakan hal itu nantinya. Perubahan karakter, perubahan cara pandang dan perubahan dependensi. Dari yang dahulu entah apa, menjadi serupa kepada Kristus. Mereka yang start dalam kondisi cukup dewasa, juga menjadi jauh lebih matang. Kita menjadi orang-orang yang rela untuk memikul salib kita masing-masing, dan melihat betapa besar kasih karunia yang Allah berikan kepada kita.

Mendengar cerita seperti ini membuat saya tersadarkan: visi kita ini sesuatu yang masuk akal. Hal yang kerap digembar-gemborkan ini menjadi sesuatu yang relevan bagi kita. Apa yang dulu merupakan omong kosong menjadi sesuatu yang ternyata benar-benar telah mengubahkan hidup seseorang.

Banyak hal yang dipakai Tuhan untuk sewaktu kita masih mahasiswa: studi, KTB, ISCF, gereja dan school activities membentuk suatu dinamika yang unik. Melihat bagaimana shalom Allah itu terwujud dalam skala kecil di dalam persekutuan, akhirnya membuat kita mendambakan shalom yang sama terwujudkan di luar persekutuan. Hal-hal yang tidak sesuai dengan prinsip Firman Tuhan mulai menjadi struggle masing-masing pribadi dan muncul keinginan untuk mengajak orang lain untuk berubah. Tanpa kita sadari, kita menjadi agents of change, meskipun mungkin berawal dalam skala yang kecil.

Efek dari perubahan-perubahan itu masih nyata setelah lulus dari universitas. Dalam dunia kerja, bisa kita lihat bagaimana kesetiaan terhadap Allah menjadi motivator untuk bisa setia dalam pekerjaan-pekerjaan kecil. Kerinduan untuk bisa menjadi garam dan terang kepada rekan sekerja yang belum percaya akhirnya menjadi motivasi untuk menjaga hubungan yang baik dengan mereka.

Tetapi bukankah itu semua adalah visi kita di FESIM? Menumbuhkembangkan pemimpin-pemimpin yang serupa dengan Kristus yang berperan strategis di tengah-tengah kampus, gereja, masyarakat, bangsa dan dunia bagi kemuliaan Allah. Bukankah ini semua buah dari visi itu?

Bayangkan jika kita bisa menangkap mahasiswa-mahasiswa dan membawa mereka kepada Kristus. Mahasiswa yang belum percaya. Mahasiswa yang sudah Kristen namun merupakan Kristen nominal. Mahasiswa yang sudah benar-benar Kristen dan terus bertumbuh.

Bayangkan jika lebih banyak lagi orang-orang yang bisa mengalami hal yang serupa, dan mereka bisa menjadi alat-alat Allah dimana mereka ditempatkan. Di gereja menjadi pelayan-pelayan yang membantu pertumbuhan jemaat yang lain. Di bidang profesi masing-masing menjadi saksi-saksi Kristus dan membawa terang di sektor-sektor yang biasanya dianggap buruk. Di keluarga menjadi orang tua yang membimbing anak-anaknya mendekat kepada Kristus. How wonderful is that?

Saya bukanlah seseorang yang ikut mencetuskan kalimat visi ini, bahkan saya tidak ikut dalam proses evolusi visi kita (pengkalimatan visi ini pernah melewati pergantian, meskipun intinya tetaplah sama). Tetapi saya bisa melihat kenapa visi ini bisa muncul pada mulanya: menjawab panggilan Allah dalam Amanat Agung-Nya, dengan panggilan khusus kepada mahasiswa yang nantinya akan menjadi pemimpin-pemimpin di dunia.

FESIM saat ini sudah melayani sekitar 12 tahun. Kita sudah mulai bisa melihat buah-buah pelayanan kita, terutama dari 3-4 angkatan pertama: berkarya di gereja, keluarga dan pekerjaan masing-masing. Mereka memegang posisi-posisi strategis menurut kehendak Allah. Saudara-saudara, ini baru awalnya dan masih akan ada angkatan lain dari angkatan-angkatan yang kita layani yang akan menyusul di tahun-tahun yang akan datang.

Bayangkan kalau itu semua bisa dipertahankan dan terus menerus dikerjakan dalam waktu yang lama. Bagaimana efeknya terhadap kesaksian pengikut Kristus di dalam masyarakat, bagaimana efeknya terhadap negeri kita Indonesia, bagaimana efeknya dalam dunia kita ini nantinya dalam 10, 20 atau 30 tahun ke depan?

Jarang sekali saya melihat Tuhan mengerjakan sesuatu dan hasilnya terlihat secara instan. Most of the time, Dia dengan sabar bekerja perlahan-lahan, dengan visi yang jelas. Visi kita juga adalah sesuatu yang membutuhkan waktu dan proses. Tapi di akhir proses yang panjang itu, saya imani visi pemuridan ini akan menjadi sesuatu yang bisa mengubah dunia. Saya percaya sepenuh hati bahwa visi ini datang dari Tuhan. Ia yang mengutus, Ia juga yang akan memperlengkapi utusan-utusan-Nya.

Dalam edisi-edisi PISTOS yang akan datang kita akan melihat aspek-aspek dari visi kita dan apa yang kita bisa lakukan seiring dengan visi itu. Namun sebagai pembukaan saya mengajak setiap dari kita untuk melihat visi yang kita kerjakan sebagai sesuatu yang akan terus relevan dan worth untuk dikerjakan. Saya mengajak kita sekalian untuk bergerak bersama-sama mengerjakan visi ini sebagai satu keluarga di dalam Kristus, dan FESIM secara khusus.

Mungkin kita tidak mengerti apa visi itu pada saat kita pertama kali mendengarnya. Tidak apa, karena memang itu sebuah proses dan akan terlihat perlahan-lahan. Mungkin kita saat ini belum mengerti pentingnya visi itu. Tidak apa-apa juga, karena saya percaya, eventually it will make sense. Why? Well, I have been there. Remember the story in the beginning of this write up? That’s me.

Saya ingin mengajak kita semua untuk menangkap visi itu, dan mulai mengerjakannya. Dalam hal kecil, dengan setia. Di balik itu Allah mengerjakan hal yang luar biasa. Just like how He used bee hoon and fishcake to bring big changes to a nominal Christian boy’s life.

*This article was written for FESIM's PISTOS, January 2011.

Coincidences can be good or bad

Went visiting to NTU ISCF PU today. They did it on TR31, so it was quite cramped. Pras is speaking, with "Shining Like Stars" as its topic. Typically, how to be a witness in campus perspective.

First time I heard about the topic I directly poke Alison who is sitting beside me, saying "Oh wow. Next week I'm going to speak for a similar topic for the first year in camp."

That means I need to rethink about my presentation outline, as unavoidably there will be some overlap (even though I find out that I did not need to change much, only reinforce). But that's extra work already. Lucky I decided to visit today.

Even more surprising, Alison told me: "Really? I'm also going to talk to the first year on camp on similar topic too To."

What? -.-'

Apparently, he will be talking about witnessing on the morning, followed by me the next session on a topic about connecting campus life and witnessing. Great. Another changes.

It turns out, being a speaker is not so simple when you consider the strings of speak being done before and after us. Getting tunnel visioned only on our responsibility is easy. Seeing the big picture, on the other hand, is pretty hard.

I guess, it is also the same when we apply it to our life. We think about our own responsibility, ministry and desires. We already checked that it does not clash with God's command so we think that it's okay to do that. So we do. But then we realize, we are not contributing anything. We forget to see that there are others beside us who already paved the path for us. In the end, it's not even effective anymore. Same thing happens even to things outside of our ministry, even PhD. Haha.

Important lesson learned. In times like this, I guess C.S. Lewis said it best:

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."

Let there be light.

A new generation

This post will make me feel old. Haha.

But anyways, last time on this particular post I wrote about my niece right? She should be 7 months old by now. I went back three times between her birth and today, and even then I am able to see how adorable she is. =)

Well anyways, this is a picture I took when I went back on December. We visited my grandma from my mother's side. Stella was so happy that day, and I got a shot with her, her mother and her great-grandma. Three generations. Too bad my mother is not around any longer, or it might have been four generations :').

Yea, I love my family so much. =) And whenever I felt down (today included, I guess), there's nothing like a bright smile of an innocent niece to make my day better =)

Let there be light! =)

On renewed spirit

Went to NTU ADM building today. Abed is having a presentation in his Kwek Leng Joo Award thingy. Arrived at 4 pm just to realize that the event starts at 5. Haha. Strolled ADM for half-an-hour.

Interestingly, that half-an-hour was exciting. =) Truly, the school of arts student is not as boring as the school of engineering student. Haha. I really got interested in looking at the lockers of the students there. Most of them have stuff placed on the doors of the lockers. Some is funny. Some is beautiful. Some others is intriguing.

Then there was also the decorations put up on the walls and the floors. But the most interesting part is looking at the photography students' FYP. They put some on the walls. One very interesting photo is a hawker version of the last supper. Yes, you're not seeing things. Hawker center version. Put them in this post also. Then the "Are we there yet" series. This one is truly intriguing. See it yourself. Haha.

*Sorry, the photo of the hawker last supper need to be removed by request =)

5 pm came and I went to the tea reception first. Like a true PhD student. =p. Saw some of Abed's photos that I haven't seen before. He won first place and got 30k SGD cash. That is uber-kewl. =D

Anyway, I can't stay long at the presentation as I have class on 6.30. So I went out in the middle of it, but I can't help but to feel refreshed. Mine is after all, eye for visual arts. =)

Congratz to Abed. Make sure to come visit his exhibition on May! =)

Anw, sorry lah if the photos I take is not like ADM students'. I only use iPhone.

Making sure I'm not forgetting

Okay. I have a lot of things to take care of starting this month. So I'll just note them down here to prevent me from forgetting about it. Here goes:

- Leading worship at Chenli on 6th
- NTU ISCF Camp, 11-14 March, speaking for first year session on the 12th
- Speaking for NTU's EE Training on 16th
- Speaking for NTU Fellowship for second year session on 25th March
- Council Meeting on 30th March, sort out stuff with Hendry before meeting
- Revising first part of courses by Recess week
- Produce a valid result on the project by Recess week
- Shooting for EARC video. Doh.
- Chenli visit to IMH on 26th
- KTBs. As usual.

- Speaking for NUS Fellowship of the same topic as 12th March on 8th April
- Assignment deadline on the same week
- EARC video by end of April. OMG. And the script is not even finished yet. Uber-OMG.
- KTBs. As usual.

- Exams on 5, 9 and 11 of May. Doh.

Seeing this list made me feel tired already. (T_T)

.......back to work.......

And here I go again =)

So I'm back again. This time, I will be giving it my best to update this blog on a regular basis. Let's just hope that this time around, my workload doesn't hinder me from blogging here.

Basically, it's a combination of campus and ministry workloads that prevents me to post things here for the previous 8-10 months or so. I still have the same workloads, if not increased, now, but I do want to start writing once again.

Anyways, this one post will be short, as there's some things that I need to take care of at the moment. I wish the new design is easier to read.

Oh, and just a trivia. It appears that Mr. Budi Soehardi, who I wrote a post quite a while back posted some shoutout while I was away. =) You can see that post in this link.


There was a time when I lost my desire to write and to share. There was a time when I didn't see the point of doing a blog to express my thought. I am who I am though, inconsistent as I am in doing this blog, but I do want to share and I do long to write. Today I'm giving it another go. Fingers crossed. But I still wish that "Let there be light" is the message that I convey.
  • January 1st 2012, Kristo