A new beginning

It's been a year since I last posted in this blog. Generally, I have been on and off in writing this blog, and I do admit that there are some darker and evil reasons hiding behind me deciding to write a blog. I don't know if I still have them or not when I'm writing this. I may write something about it later on, when I already have the right heart to do it. I can only say that I realize it has been a lifelong struggle for me, and I believe it will always be there. I need to learn to live, struggle, and cry with it as it is truly my biggest problem.

Pray for me as I embark on another journey, please ask God for me to be able to fight my sinful nature and come victorious through Him, for now I truly understand that this is too big for me to handle by myself.

A New Post!

I totally forgot about this blog. Between my project, papers, FESIM kongress, WC-FESIM, Chenli ministry, gym and Italian trip, my time has been packed with quite a lot of stuff to do. Interestingly, I still have the time to watch tv series. hmmm....

Anyway. Just hopping by to check if this blog still existed (duh!). Later I'll write something of actual content. Or maybe not. (haha)

On Matthew 17:24-26

Tax for two at two drachma each,
From the sea a shekel granted
Ask, o man for He is not out of reach.
Hence trust, your needs fulfilled.

Which one am I?

"It is one thing for a minister to be used by God. It is another for a minister to be pleasing in the sight of God." - Paul Gunadi

Quoted by Chandra Wim today in ISCF fellowship. Truly something that bug my mind in reflections for tonight. Truly, which one am I?

Fear can hold you prisoner

Just watched the movie tonight. How the hell did I miss watching this one? This was superbly done! For you who didn't know, it's a movie back from 1994. So I kinda missed watching this over 17 years, nearly impossible with a HBO in my home since the '98. If you haven't watched it, I'm telling you: go and watch it, you must.

Boasting in our weakness

An interesting video. I bet it raises some eyebrows. I would agree to the spirit of it, but agree with it using all caution I have, for as it convey good message, it can also be translated differently. I do hope that the church can really act like God's people with integrity though, albeit continuously struggling to do so. I do hope that we may hate sins like cancer, and throw it out away as far as possible.

But more importantly, I hope that Christians can get over the differences that they have among each others, cooperate in harmony, and work together for God's glory.

Never alone

Awesome comment is awesome

"'Harry Potter' is not 'Twilight', you know; we're not selling sex."

- Emma Watson commenting on Twilight

Ms. Watson, you just got yourself a new fan.

The Tattoo

Watched the movie last night. Unexpectedly long and unexpectedly plenty of adult scene. But it was unexpectedly good as well. It's entertaining :)

Rendang

Last week I got too lazy to work and stayed home with Irving the whole week. Well, mostly. Thing is, I don't have any spirit to play games or read as well somehow. So I got this crazy idea of cooking rendang after I saw the rendang that Irving's gf brought from Jakarta the day before. It was surprisingly easy to make -- albeit a little slow. I used the recipe from this particular site.

It was quite good IMHO :). Should have put more chilli though. Haha. And since I didn't want to deviate from the original recipe, i used 1 kg of beef. It took me around 3 days to finish this dish for 2-3 meals a day. Haha. Total cost: ~30 SGD (for 3 days? okay lah hor..)

Now, enough blogging. Back to confirmation report writing!

God give me strength to finish this one in time... Pretty please?

I used to work hard everyday...

...but I took an arrow to the knee.

Skyrimian joke aside. That was what I felt after I work professionally last time. It was only for a year but somehow it shifted my paradigm on dilligent-ness. I used to spend at least 2-3 hours of independent study/work in my undergrad. Now I think I cut my official work hours as much as I can. Shame on me. Shame on me.

Or maybe that's just me being lazy.

...

or may be it's truly an arrow took my knee.

Second Day

I spent the second day of 2012 in my sweet spot: home. Well, it's still a holiday and I got nothing better to do since 11 am, so I stayed. Nonetheless, since I started writing again, I began to revisit some pages that I haven't came into for a while. Two particular posts took my attention and made me think for a while about us: our greed, our self-justification when we think we have done something yet nothing in actuality, and our sense of justice.

If you have some free time i would love to recommend you these two interesting resources:

1. The first one is an article from Vinoth, which I have been very glad to read as always, titled Micro-Credit Hype
2. The second one is a two-hours documentary (narrated by Matt Damon. woot.) titled Inside Job.

I wouldn't spell what I am musing about after these two particular resources though. Haha.

Thankful

No matter how low the quality of it, i'm still thankful for putting this one through

Old and New

2011 Has not been kind to me.

Not that previous years has been a totally nice, but the last one was such an ordeal. Well, I guess it was partly due to the fact that it is "last year".

Old struggles and new struggles come and goes. Some was thankfully resolved, but much are left unsolved. The oldest of all even went untouched, 2-and-a-half-year and counting. Another thing that has been eating away in my heart underwent a leap of faith, and i guess it went miserably bad. I was lonely, I was getting lazy. My ministry was in much lesser quality than what I expect them to be, while my work has been under par. I keep falling to the classic dung hole of mine, and the roller coaster swing of my quiet time was at its peak amplitude. I am grieved.

But somehow I'm still thankful. I don't really know why.

I guess it came from my faith, that God sees me as His precious son, detestable and wretched as I am (He knows and I knows how I am not worthy of all that He has given to me). And these kind of troubling events in my life was His way of disciplining me. And through that, I feel that He cares for me and wants the best out of me.

So I shall try to rise again. Maybe I will fail again, but I pray I will fail better. I guess I have to be thankful that I can still be thankful in the midst of it all.

Pray for me friends, that I may be able to do all my utmost in this year (Oh and how I am haunted by the looming shadows of my QE).

As for this blog, I'm trying to revive it again -- fingers crossed though. I will try to update it as much as I can.

Let there be light.

I honestly never imagined seeing this before

God Provides

For you who shares with me in the previous month since my exam period, i think you already know what I am kanchiong with. Basically, my NPGS demands me to produce 4.00 minimum CGPA every semester, however, the result from my 1st semester was 4.16. which is one mark shy from that minimum CGPA. So I was really stressed out the whole semester, which peaked on the last week before exams (see my things to do around march-may, you'll know why). After the exams, I was not confident at all with my performance. And so I began to be uneasy.

It might sounds a bit over-the-top. mathematically, I just need to produce 2 B+ and 1 B, and I'm still (marginally) safe. I mean, how hard was that? But yet I can't get it out of my mind. I think I have asked A LOT of ppl to pray for me for two things: (1) for me to be able to calm myself down and (2) for the result itself to be enough for passing the minimum requirements.

The result for the undergrads came out a few days earlier than the result for the grad students. Seeing my friend got their results gives me the ikea meatball filling. On one hand, I am happy for them, and I felt that I got hope as well. On the other hand, I grew even more uneasy, since I can't wait under that kind of stress. Thankfully, last week was quite hectic so I got a lot of distractions.

The result was supposed to come out on the 13th. So I waited on 12th until the turn of the day. right at 12 I pressed F5.

And the result is not out yet. -__-'

I waited another 5 minutes. Maybe it was not 13th yet on NTU server. I pressed F5 again.

And the result is not out yet. -_______-'

I pressed and pressed and pressed. Several ppl already asked me on gtalk: Irving, Indra, Kuncup, Maria, Itin. I said: Not yet. I waited until 1 am, finishing "Burlesque" on the process (It's nice. But the ending was lacking epicness). I pressed F5 again.

And the result is not out yet. -______________-'

I figured that I need to go to sleep early, since I will have Machine Learning Summer Studies at Biopolis for a week starting on th 13th (I'll write about this later). There I was, praying the 2 prayer points again. Miraculously, I am able to go to sleep directly. Thank God for that. The result was not out even when I woke up. So I muster up my mind and went to Biopolis. I can't get my hand off from my iPhone the whole day. I think the battery was running as low as 15% at 3 o'clock. Haha.

At 5 o'clock (with 6% of battery left), an email came. Saying that the result is out. Right in the middle of the seminar I went silent, and without realizing, I was praying for the same two prayer points again, but this time, I add another: so that I can accept anything that God deemed suitable. I logged in from my phone.

And I was stunned. @_@ That was the highest mark I've ever had my whole life. I was not paying attention to the seminar at all for 10 minutes or so, praising God and praying the whole time.

I was reminded once again, that God really provides. That He give according to His infinite wisdom to His people what is good in His time. I may fail the first sem (got scolded hard from my prof. haha) but it made this sem much more sweeter. And God truly gives abundantly. I was reminded on how beautiful it is to have brothers and sisters to share our burden with, praying for each other and hoping for the best to come to each of us.

So thank you for those who have prayed for me on this one. Papah, Benchers, Exco 07/08, Nesha, Indra, Pak Win, Bu Henny, Ci Mel, KTB bawah, flatmates.. I really appreciate it =). (sorry if i forgot to mention someone there. i think I ranted too much to everyone.. haha).

On sidenote, Exco 07/08 did another EST last saturday after DnD wedding. It was magnificent. I'll write something later on. =)

Let there be light!

The long promised post

Yea, yea, I have slacked too long to write this post. Anyway, last month my father went to visit me here for 3 days 2 nights. Not much reason actually, he just came to visit, alone. So we had a nice father-and-son time along those times.

And yes, in my family, it means food. =D

I asked him to accompany me viewing for new flats. There were one at Clementi and another at Tiong Bahru. Both failed, miserably. Anyways, we were actually planning to eat at the market there anyways to look for suckling pig. So in the end both of us, joined by our agent and Irving ate suckling and ducks there. Haha. So-so, actually. Don't have the photo to share on this one.

We spend the rest of the day at the hotel, resting and talking. Later that night we went to Balestier Road in search for Bak Kut Teh. And oh my God. Those were heavenly! We went there to see a long queue, but seeing that it was not that long, we decided to queue for around 15 minutes. We ordered 2 Bak Kut Teh, 1 Pig Trotter, and some sides.

The ribs was so thick, the bowl almost filled with the meat. The soup was tasty and nice. It was wonderful. The only complain my father had is that the soup was too little (since the meat was very thick). And he likes his soup. However, just right after we discuss that, an uncle came with his metal glass of soup and we got refill, free-of-charge! We smiled, knowing that the seller really knows his customers. HAHA!

The next day we came to Chenli for sunday service, skipped the bible study (lol!) and went straight to Orchard. My father need to go to Tang's too look for something his wife ask him to bring, then we went straight to Centrepoint, since he wanted to see AFC store. Sadly, it was closed when we got there. Closed on Sundays, apparently.

We decided that we'll look for Peking Duck at Lido. Went there. The entire floor is closed for renovation -___-'. Choose Crystal Jade Home*something-i-forgot*. Some is nice, others are not. But we ate on anyways.

We close our Orchard adventure in cineleisure, watching "Source Code". Decent one I say. That's not bad at all. I felt bad though, because the whole time we were waiting for the movie, I was occupied with housing matters. Things went a bit complicated, and I panicked. But I think God is really great, because He gave me the time to spend with my father along with this kind of incident. I feel VERY reassured with his presence, and his words of comfort do calm me down. :')

Yea, I think I miss that a lot. I wanted to be independent, strong and capable of taking care of myself ever since I went to university. I became a very hard-headed guy, who want everything to be finished as soon as possible, as best as I can, but also as comfortable as possible. But whenever I am with him, I can feel at ease. I really do miss that times when I can be vulnerable and trust everything in my life to my father. Not that I became carefree, but it was a great break.

On the way back, we passed by Brotzeit at 313. My father saw the pork knuckle, and we got so excited. Haha. So we went back to our hotel in Ibis, rested until 7 pm, then ate our dinner at their branch on Raffles City! Yum yum yum.. =D

He went back the next morning. (Yes... I went to school around 1 pm that day), but we still had our chance to get breakfast together, and talk about things for a couple of hours until his flight. I really want to go back to Jogja now. Hahaha. But I think the soonest will be on July.. I have to rush for my project now. >.<

Anyways, today is NTU-ISCF AGM. Congratz to Nesha and Vincent =). I'll write something later on when I have more time. I need to get some rest today. ^^

Back to blogging

Three weeks has passed since my last post. If you don't follow me on Buzz then you are missing a heated discussion there, caused by my last post. Which by the way, was a bit out of topic anyway.

Those three weeks without blog entry was... chaotic. From looking for a new house (found one already!), monetary problems caused by it, my father's visit, exams, rushing projects and EARC shooting -- those were quite a stressful period. In fact, I just finished a shooting session for EARC last night on Eusoff Hall (NUS). We did that until 4 a.m. -- meaning I'm pretty much dead now, writing this blog post in total nonsensical thought process, yet I'm still skimming through my paper. Believe it or not, I went to Eusoff Hall every night for the previous 5 days, without failing for the shooting. My...

I will share more about the new house later on when we moved (that will be on the first of June). I wanted to tell the story of my father's visit, but I forgot that I don't have apple peripheral cable in my office so I can't upload the photos. So I guess I'll do it later.

On exams... Well, I have to say that I think I did well, barring the stupid mistakes I did here and there, which is natural for exams period. But the thing is, my last GPA was 4.16, while my NPGS ask me to produce 4.00 CGPA. It means that I am that scarily close to the cut off line. I can't help to be anxious over the past week about this. =(

I know that it means that I have to get a B, B+ and B+ for the three subjects I take this semester. And I also realize that it is not that hard actually. BUT, why am I not able to be calm about it? =S

So friends, if you're reading this, please help me in prayer, so that I can be calm about this and keep faithful for His providence in this period of waiting (still one month until the result is out), and if you are willing to, please pray for my result as well, so that it is enough to keep my scholarship.. Thanks =)

One last not so important note... Singapore is getting HOT! >.< and my Air-con is pretty much spoiled. Rain please come. Every night please, but not on the day--I can use my lab's air-con for that.

Let there be light!
~can't wait to move to new house...

and then it was 13th

1. Week 13 has come. Time waits for no one. Exam waits for no one. Argh
2. Finished all 5 KTB books last week. We will proceed to John Stott's "Issues Facing Christian Today" starting next semester. Let's see how it turns out
3. My simulation was not satisfactory. 20% performance level compared to 60% of the original paper is NOT acceptable. Oh my goodness. What to do? What to do? What to do?.... ..Exams...
4. Was shown this link this morning by the resharing of a number of people. I'm resharing it again. A small thing for our country, and supporting Indonesian students in other parts of the world.
5. The temperature is getting hotter by day. My air-con is spoiled. Talk about torture. Phew.
6. I had a neck pain on Saturday. I literally CAN'T turn my neck to the left. That was the day of pain. Thank God for healthy neck...

Thank God for 3G

Yesterday, I had a quiz on computational intelligence. Now I think all of us may had a strange quiz in one way or another. But this one? Oh my...

To start, the prof does not bring a proper question paper. He just use the digital over head projector, just to realize that the projection can't afford showing the whole paper and we need to ask him to shift the paper all the time.

Then he announce that it was an open-book quiz. And I was memorizing all those equations over the weekends. Great.

Just to make things better, he left the class like 4-5 times for 5 minutes, and you guess, everyone starts giggling and talking with each other.

Now, as it stands, there's a question that ask us to find the inverse of a 3x3 matrix. Some calculators can do that, but accidentally mine can't. Of course I can take the long way for it -- but it would take forever and I felt lazy. So, since it's an open book exam, somehow i got a pretty good idea.

There comes iPhone. Open safari. Google "Matrix inverse calculator" and voilla! Thank God for 3G. Haha.

Anyway, there was no class yesterday so I can go back early to cook meat sauce for tonight's lasagna. Yum! =)